By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
