He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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