i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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