I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
