what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
