I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I need a burrito and a hug.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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