Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
