I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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