i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
