I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
you made out with another girl for some wings
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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