We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
