u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Mom said you looked used
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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