you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Where is the hickey?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
