He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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