Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
