I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
