he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I'm getting married
To pizza
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
