we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
