I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
