she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
