When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
