Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Houston, we have a squirter
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize