I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
