He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
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