I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize
