i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
