I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
