gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
