I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
