My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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