Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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