I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
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