Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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