3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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