My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
