Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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