somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
