just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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