all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
can u get pink eye on your cock?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
