its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
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Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
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Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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