suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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