Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
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