I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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