Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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