I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I could make wine with my vomit
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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