maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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