Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
