Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
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Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
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he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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