he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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