The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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