I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
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