the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
