Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I think I sprained my soul last night
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
