Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
