Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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