maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
