Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Randomize
