Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Dignity is for republicans.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
