i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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