I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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