We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
We don't watch enough power rangers
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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