I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Randomize