My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Randomize
