i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Randomize
