suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
