:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
