He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
