the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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